Moving on

I want to thank all of you for all the sweet comments. The last four days have not been easy but it really helps to know that you care and that you understand what we're going through right now. I'm hoping that this experience doesn't make me any more jaded than I already am, but I have a feeling that this might be inevitable. I'm trying really hard not to think about what I would have been doing this week if the news would have been different. I can't go back and change the results so I have to press on and deal with the reality of how things are, not what they could have been.

Dr. G left a nice voicemail for me this morning. He called to say how sorry he was to hear that the test was negative. He wants us to go back in to meet with him again to discuss things and determine what our next steps will be. We have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I'm making a running list of questions as they pop into my head. Chris and I had decided early on that we would do whatever it took to get pregnant. Since IVF is our only option we will definitely try another IVF cycle as long as Dr. G agrees that this is still a viable option for us.

I do already know that I'll have to take this cycle off to let my body rest and heal from the last IVF cycle. Thankfully, the progesterone did not delay my cycle too much and we are already on the road to a new cycle. The Dr. warned me that this cycle could be worse than normal and boy was he right. I have had a killer headache yesterday and today and it feels like somebody is trying to rip out my ovaries.

Thankfully, I have been able to indulge in a few things that I haven't been able to enjoy or have for the last couple of months. I had a coke on Friday for the first time in almost three months. I told Chris to order me the largest coke that Sonic sells on Friday morning. We stopped there on our way to the doctor's office for the blood test. Since we already knew what the results would be I decided that I deserved to have an extra large dose of caffeine that day. I also took a bubble bath last night. I haven't been able to take a bath since before my egg retrieval. I have also started reading a book that I bought at the beginning of the year but never got around to reading. I LOVE to read but lately I had been reading nothing but infertility books and books about IVF. I WILL NOT be reading any of those books this month. I decided that while my body is taking a break my mind should also take a break...at least as much as possible.

I know that this experience will only make us stronger and I am so grateful to have such a wonderful and supportive husband. This whole process has brought us even closer together and we truly have an awesome marriage. I know that this will be an important foundation for us to have once we do start our family. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I'm so lucky to have Chris to share it with!