So long 2009...

Dear 2009,

I do not like you and I am not sad to see you go. You have brought us much pain, sorrow and way too many tears to even count. I am so glad that we only have to endure you for 1 more hour. Overall, you have not been kind to us or the rest of my family. I wish you good riddance!

To all our family, friends and blog friends...Happy New Year! We wish you all many blessings and happiness in the New Year! We couldn't have made it through this past year without you. :-)

Lots of love to all of you!

Whew...what a week!

We had an AWESOME time with my family this past week! I was so sad to see them all go. My little 4 year-old niece kept telling us that she didn't want to go with this sad little face. :-( Broke my heart. She is at such a fun age. Chris and I had so much fun with her. Christmas is definitely more fun and a lot sweeter with little ones around. We just hope and pray that it's even sweeter next year! :-)

On Tuesday night, Nana (my mom) agreed to babysit so that me, Chris my sister and brother-in-law could go see Avat.ar in 3D at the IMAX theater. It was soooo good!! We had a great time hanging out just the four of us...something we don't get to do very much. The next morning we made gingerbread cookies with my niece. She was covered in flour by the end but we all had so much fun! We decorated the cookies that afternoon and I think my niece ate her weight in cookies. She is sneaky when it comes to sweets! :-) My kinda girl! That evening we went to eat at one of our favorite restaurants...Pappa.sitos! It was so good! It is a must whenever my sister and brother-in-law are here visiting.

Christmas Eve was busy but full of fun and we definitely made lots of fun memories. My sister, mom and I all came together in the kitchen for the first half of the day to cook for the Christmas Eve dinner at our house that night. I had so much fun cooking with my mom and sister! We got all dressed up that evening and headed out to the Christmas Eve candlelight service at our church. It was amazing! They even had fake snow falling from the ceiling during one of the songs! My niece thought that was pretty cool! Berkeley came down to sit with me and Chris during part of the service and I got to hold her while we sang some Christmas carols. It was such a sweet time with her as she laid her head on my shoulder and hugged me. I absolutely LOVE that little girl!

After the service was over, we headed home to finish getting everything ready for dinner. Thankfully, Chris' family was able to come over while we were still at church and they helped to warm up the food. This was the first time that Chris and I had hosted a nice, sit-down dinner at our house and we were so excited to have dinner with both of our families for Christmas. We worked really hard on decorating our table and it looked pretty spectacular if I do say so myself. :-) Dinner was great and we finished by singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus and blowing out the candles on the "Happy Birthday Jesus" cake that we made with my niece that morning.

Before Berkeley went to bed that night, she left milk and cookies for Santa by the fireplace. The next morning she woke up and was so excited to open all her presents. Chris and I had so much fun shopping for everyone!

We had such a great week and now that Christmas is over I am really looking forward to starting a new year. I hope and pray that 2010 brings many sweet blessings our way!

Here are a few pictures from this past week with the family:

Total slacker...but I have a good excuse

I've been a total slacker the last several days, but I will try very hard this weekend to catch up on all my commenting for ICLW! My family is in town for Christmas and I am just trying to soak up every minute that I can! We've had a great time so far. My niece is 4 years old and we have had lots of fun playing games and making Gingerbread cookies! I will post some pics soon.

We have a long day tomorrow, so I'm going to keep this post very short and sweet. :-) I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and I hope that 2010 is a great year for all of us!

The Reason for the Season

The holiday season has definitely been different this year. Infertility sure does have a way of putting a damper on things, but so far we haven't let it steal our Christmas joy. I know that we're going through this journey for a reason and hopefully one day soon we'll be able to say that it was all worth it. One positive thing out of all of this is that this situation has really strengthened my faith and brough me even closer to God. I've always felt like I had a good relationship with God, but infertility has brought things to a whole different level. Chris and I have both had to learn to give up the control and to just have faith and walk this path that God has set out before us. It's a lessen that we're still learning everyday.

I've been thinking a lot over the last several weeks about the birth of Jesus and the incredible gift that He gave to all of us. This has really helped me to keep the Christmas joy this year. Putting up our decorations and shopping for Christmas presents is a lot of fun, but I've still struggled throughout those activities this year. I can't help but think how much more fun those things would be if we had a little one to share them with. One thing that infertility cannot hinder, though, is the excitement I feel over celebrating His birth! My family will be here this year and my sister wanted to carry on a tradition that they started with my niece. We will be having a Happy Birthday Jesus cake! How cute is that!?

I want to say congratulations to my bloggy friends who have recently found out that they are pregnant! I also want those of you who have recently experienced losses to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. I can't even begin to imagine the hurt that you are feeling right now. For all of you that are still waiting for your miracles, I hope that we are all celebrating Christmas with precious little bundles next year!

Blog Slacker

I'm sorry, I have been such a blog slacker over the last week. There really hasn't been anything exciting going on and then the last couple of days I have kind of been in a funk. I'm still trying to focus on enjoying the holidays right now and I am starting to look forward to our embryo transfer in January. Our Christmas decorations will hopefully be complete by this weekend and then I'll be able to post some pics.

Oh wait, there is something exciting that happened recently...it SNOWED in Houston last Friday! Now, I know that there are several of you who live in states where this would not be considered exciting, but I live in Texas and it hardly EVER snows in the southern parts of Texas. It looked just like a winter wonderland on Friday. My bosses let us go before lunchtime on Friday, but unfortunately Chris was not able to leave until that afternoon. :-( The good thing, though, is that Chris works right beside the Galleria shopping mall so I just went there and did some Christmas shopping for a few hours while I waited on Chris. Getting off work early, SNOW, and shopping...what more could a girl want?! I must say, it was pretty fun getting to watch the snow fall outside and see all the pretty Christmas lights and decorations while I was shopping.

Thank you to all of you who prayed for my migraines to stay away. I am happy to report that I was migraine-free all weekend long!! Thanks again for all the prayers, sweet comments and support! I hope everyone is enjoying this Christmas season!

I LOVE this time of year!

I am so glad that it's December. I absolutely LOVE this time of year and I'm determined to enjoy the holidays this year and not let this battle with infertility put a damper on things. I keep reminding myself that Chris and I don't need a baby to be happy and we don't need a baby to be able to enjoy the holidays. Now would having a baby make life more enjoyable and the holidays better...ABSOLUTELY. I just don't want to miss out on enjoying life with Chris and making sweet memories during the holidays. It is definitely hard to see other people out and about with their little ones and to hear parents talk about buying presents for their kids and decorating the tree with them, but I refuse to let infertility steal all my joy.

We still need to finish decorating the inside of the house. Hopefully we can get that all finished this weekend. My killer weekend migraines just need to stay away, though. The last two weekends in a row I have woken up on Saturday morning will a killer migraine that has hung on until Sunday evening. I sure hope this weekend breaks the cycle. I am so useless when I get a migraine. Hopefully I will be able to post some pics soon of our Christmas decorations.

I will leave you with an adorable picture of my four-year old niece, Berkeley. I am so excited that we get to see her and the rest of my family for Christmas this year!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! I hope that everyone has had a wonderful day and has been able to reflect and focus on what they are thankfuly for. Today was a good day, but kind of an odd day at the same time. I was kind of sad today knowing that my mom was spending Thanksgiving alone and that she's sick again. It's hard being away from family during the holidays. I am so thankful for so many things. God has truly blessed us with so much and I try really hard each day to stop and thank Him for all the little things too. Everyday I thank God for Chris. I thank Him for making Chris and I thank Him for sending Chris to me. Infertility is a tough road to navigate, but I can't imagine a better partner to walk through this journey and life with.

Today I definitely felt a little sad that we can't be thankful for our miracle yet. However, we are so very thankful for our three frozen embryos and I know that the holidays will help the time to fly by for us.

I am also very thankful for each one of you that reads our blog. Thank you for taking the time to follow along on our journey. Your constant support and prayers mean more than you will ever know!

Moving forward with the frosties

We had our follow up appointment with Dr. G on Thursday and I feel like it went really well. This is the appointment that Chris and I lovingly refer to as the "What the heck went wrong this time?" appointment. :-) Once again, Dr. G feels like we will eventually get pregnant with IVF and that it's just a game of chance. We decided to move forward with a FET (frozen embryo transfer) in January. As I mentioned before, Dr. G wants me to sit out one cycle and then with my December cycle I will be on BCP and Lupr.on to suppress ovulation. I will then start taking Estr.ace and Proges.terone to thicken my endometrial lining before the transfer. I really don't know that much about FET so if any of you girls out there have any tips or info please them along my way!

My body decided to get revenge as of yesterday and once again the horrible cramps and migraines are back. At least I'm moving forward with this new cycle, though. I'm glad that it only took 4 days this time after I stopped the hormones. Hopefully this will be a normal cycle and won't drag on forever like it did last time. I'm hoping that we will be able to put all this infertility nonsense behind us after the new year. I hope that 2010 turns out to be a much better year than 2009 has been. I'm also having a hard time with the fact that I will probably be 30 or close to it by the time we have a baby. That's assuming, of course, that the FET works or that the next "fresh" IVF cycle works if we have to do another one. I'm trying to remind myself that God's plans for our family are so much more amazing than we could ever imagine and it won't matter how old I am when we finally get our miracle.

In other news, the germs have finally found me. :-( I hate being sick and I really hate being sick with a migraine. I think I just have allergies or a minor cold, so nothing major. It's just annoying.

Thank you to all of you for the sweet comments after our last disappointment. It's such a comfort for Chris and I to know that we have so many people praying for us and sending well wishes our way! The power of prayer is amazing and we have definitely felt all of your prayers this week.

Ok, this is starting to get old

So, our beta blood test was yesterday and unfortunately, it was negative...again. The good news, though, is that they were able to freeze three embryos for us so we'll be able to move forward with a frozen embryo transfer in January. We have a follow-up appointment with Dr. G on Thursday afternoon and we'll discuss the logistics of this type of transfer. Thankfully a frozen transfer will mean less meds for me to take and it will be a faster turn around time too. He wants me to sit out a cycle again to allow my body time to rest before we move forward again. With the holidays coming up this will actually be a good time to take a break for a month.

Chris and I were really disappointed yesterday when we got the call from the nurse but I can't say that we were all that surprised with the news. We had tried to prepare ourselves for this outcome as much as possible. The last several months I have prayed that this cycle would work and that it would in God's plans for us to be blessed with our miracle this time. I also prayed, though, that if it was negative again that He would protect our hearts and give us the strength to move on and keep our eyes focused on Him so that we wouldn't be too discouraged. We definitely felt His presence with us yesterday and even though He didn't answer our first prayer, He definitely answered the second one. After we made the phone calls to our families, we dried the tears, got in the car and headed to Olive Garden to pig out. :-) After Olive Garden we headed to Garden Ridge to buy some new Christmas Lights. Comfort food and retail therapy can do wonders.

Ever since college, Chris and I have made it a tradition to watch our all time favorite Christmas movie together..."Christmas Vacation". We LOVE that movie and even though we can recite all the lines it still makes us laugh each time we watch it. Since my family is coming to stay with us for Christmas this year Chris has decided to go all out with the Christmas lights and decorations. This weekend, he will become Clark Griswold, but the decorations will not be tacky! Also, to my family reading this...don't worry. We will NOT be drinking eggnog out of glasses shaped like a moose's head either. :-)

Chris and I have both decided that we are going to focus on enjoying the holidays this year and we are not going to let this disappointment spoil them for us. I'm not saying that the holidays will be easy, but I'm determined to enjoy them and get through them to the best of our abilities. In the words of Clark Griswold, "We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny * Kaye." And yes, I omitted the bad word. :-)

Inspiration

I really don't have much to share as we are almost in the middle of the last week of our TWW. It's been pure torture so far, but did I really expect anything different? I had my last acupuncture appointment today. I won't have another appointment unless I find out that I'm pregnant next week. I sure hope I'm walking through the doors of the acupuncture place sooner rather than later. :-)

I wanted to share a video with all of you. This has become one of my most favorite songs and it is such a comfort to me. I love Kari Jobe and this song is just amazing. It's called "You Are For Me". This is one of my go-to songs on my i.pod when I'm feeling bummed or just need to feel comforted. I hope that it can provide some inspiration and comfort to you as well. Enjoy! :-)

P.S. Make sure that you pause my music player on my blog so that the two do not play over each other.

Everyone beware...the hormones have officially taken over

The double dose of progesterone has definitely begun to take its toll. Last time I was only on 100mg three times a day and this cycle Dr. G upped my dose to 200mg three times a day, plus the estrogen (same dose as last time). I feel like the hormones have officially taken over. I am no longer in control of my thoughts or emotions, so watch out! I started my day off today by looking at some photos on Facebook that really hurt my feelings so I spent the next 10 minutes sitting in an empty office with my tissues just waiting for the onslaught of tears to stop. I would have gotten my feelings hurt anyway, but the hormonal imbalance just escalated things. I emailed Chris to tell him what happened and when he called to check on me the tears started again as soon as I heard his voice ask me, "Are you ok?" Ugh. Thankfully Chris came and picked me up for lunch. It was nice to get out of the office for an hour and get some fresh air.

I am feeling so isolated today. I feel like no one in real life really gets me and understands what I'm going through. I feel like people who I thought were my friends have just totally bailed on me. Has infertility done this to me, have I done it to myself or am I just plain crazy right now because of the extra 600mg of progesterone that's pumping through my body everyday??? I hate not being in control of my emotions. I sure hope that there's a bright light shining at the end of this tunnel. I hope that all this emotional turmoil is worth it.

I do have to say, though, that I am so grateful to have such a supportive husband. Chris doesn't always know the right thing to say to me (if you know us in real life I'm sure you're getting a good laugh out of that statement), but he can always make me laugh. Sometimes I feel like it is just the two of us against the rest of the world.

Here's hoping for a restful and relaxing weekend! Thanks for letting me vent. It's a necessary part of this whole process. :-)

And it begins...

Our embryo transfer went really well today. Dr. G told us that we had two great blastocysts to transfer and that there were actually three other embryos that they were watching to see if they would be able to be frozen tomorrow. Yay! My acupuncture appointment before the transfer was really great. I just felt so calm and relaxed going into the transfer, with the exception of feeling as if my bladder might burst at any moment. :-) That is the only bad part about the embryo transfer. I hate having to drink that much liquid in order to fill my bladder to the brim and then having to hold it. Not fun.

Now the dreaded two week wait begins. My beta blood test is scheduled for Nov. 16th. I'm pretty confident that we won't cheat and test before then. Last time, we tested the night before our beta test. This time I think we'll wait until that morning or even wait until we get back home. Neither of us can stand the thought of looking at another negative HPT. My 29th birthday is tomorrow so we're hoping and praying that I get the best birthday present ever! Thank you so much to all of you who have prayed for us and sent us well wishes during this cycle. I can't even begin to describe how comforting it is to have such a great support system. We definitely couldn't make it through this journey without all of you!

Here are some pictures from today:

Right before the embryo transfer

Chris holding up one finger for each of our 9 embryos

Our two beautiful embryos!

Snuggle in little embryos! I promise to give you a nice, warm home.

Plus One

I called Dr. G's office this morning to get an update on our embryos. The first thing she told me was that we had picked up an extra fertilized embryo. So we now have a total of 9 embryos that are growing at various cell stages. The embryologist will not look at them again until tomorrow before our transfer. Please pray that we have two, excellent quality blasts tomorrow and that we have a few that are able to be frozen for future use as well. I will have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow before the transfer. I'm hoping that the treatment will help me to relax and will prepare my uterus to receive the embryos.

Thanks again for all the love, support and comments! I'll update again tomorrow after our transfer!

Chris & Courtney Plus 8

Just kidding! But we do have 8 little embryos growing in the lab right now! I called Dr. G's office this morning for the fertilization report and was told three times by the nurse that we had 17. My first question was, "17 what?" She said, "They're watching 17." I specifically asked her if that meant that we had 17 fertilized embryos and she said "Yes", three times. Now, I knew that this sounded way too high but I called Chris anyway to share the good news. I decided to call back one more time and make sure that she had read the report correctly. You see, we already know that this nurse is not the brightest star in the sky and we usually end up questioning everything she tells us. Well, I was right. She agreed to call down to the lab and speak directly with the embryologist. When she got back on the phone it was a different story. What we have is 8 fertilized embryos, but there are a total of 17 eggs that they're watching. Apparently, 17 of my 24 eggs were mature enough to use and of those 17, 8 have actually fertilized. They will continue to watch the other 9 today to see if they make it to fertilization too.

As of now, we are scheduled to transfer two embryos next Tuesday. This is two more embryos than last time so we are really happy with the results! Please pray that our 8 little embryos continue to divide and develop over the next several days. Please pray that we have two, excellent quality blastocysts to transfer on Tuesday. That's it for now!

Happy Halloween!!!!

Quick Update

Our egg retrieval went really well this morning. However, this time it was a bit harder for me. I was in a lot of pain from the procedure and when I started waking up from the sedation this morning the pain was the first thing I noticed. I didn't even realize at first that I was back in the recovery room. All I knew was that I was in pain and I wanted it to go away. The nurse came in and gave me some medicine for the pain and I drifted back to sleep for awhile. As I did last time, I kept repeating myself and asking Chris the same question. "How did it go?"..."Good!"..."How did it go?"..."Good!"..."How did it go?"..."Good!" Poor Chris. I'm glad he has patience with me! :-)

Dr. G was pleased that we ended up with 24 eggs this time. Last time we had 17. We'll get the fertilization report tomorrow morning to find out how many of those eggs were mature enough to use and how many litle embryos we have in the incubator. I pray that we get good news tomorrow! I'll post tomorrow once we get the report. Thank you to all of you for the comments and prayers!

Thursday it is

We had our last monitoring appointment this morning. My follicles were measuring where they should be this morning and Dr. G decided to give them one more day to grow. We'll take the trigger shot tomorrow evening and then I'll get a break from injections Wednesday night. Our egg retrieval is scheduled for 7:00 AM Thursday morning. Assuming that things go well with the retrieval and we have fertilized embryos, our embryo transfer will be next Tuesday. So, hopefully I'll be getting embryos for my birthday (my birthday is Nov. 4th)!

I have one more acupuncture appointment scheduled for tomorrow afternoon and then I won't have another one until the morning of my transfer. My ovaries actually responded pretty well to the meds this time and I was able to stay at 300 IUs of Follis.tim this time. Last time Dr. G ended up having to increase my dosage to 450 IUs towards the end. I can't help but think that the acupuncture had something to do with the better response this time around. I would definitely recommend acupuncture to anyone who is struggling with infertility, even if you're not having to go the IVF route.

Thanks to all of you for the comments and support with this cycle. Please continue to pray that the egg retrieval goes well and that we end up with mature eggs, fertilized embryos and excellent grade embryos for the transfer.

It's the weekend!

I had another monitoring appointment this morning. Things are still going well. My ultrasound showed that the 6 largest follicles on each side are measuring between 9-12mm. Dr. G said that the goal is for my follicles to grow about 1.5mm a day and thankfully they have been cooperating so far. They tested my LH level in my blood work today and Dr. G decided to have me take the Cetro.tide tomorrow night. This is an injection that suppresses my ovaries from trying to ovulate on their own while my follicles are growing. Right now, it looks like we're on track for an egg retrieval next Wednesday or Thursday. My next appointment is on Monday morning.

Not much else is going on with us. I'm sooo glad it's the weekend and I am loving this cooler weather that we're having! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

P.S. A big congrats to my sweet friend at Its a Journey! She had her first ultrasound today and found out that she has been blessed with twins!!! Please pray that she continues to have a healthy pregnancy.

Monitoring Appt.

Today was my first monitoring appointment since we started the injections Saturday night. Dr. G did an ultrasound and measured the 6 largest follicles in each ovary. So far, the 12 he measured are coming in between 7-8mm. Dr. G said, "So far so good." I'll call the nurses this afternoon to get the results of my blood work and to see if my dosage will change for tonight and tomorrow night. My next appointment is on Friday morning.

For everyone who is visiting my blog from ICLW, Welcome! I'll try to post some sort of timeline at some point, but basically my husband and I are going through our second IVF cycle right now. The first one that we did in July/August of this year didn't work. I've added acupuncture to the mix this time around and I'm hoping that it helps to prepare my body for the procedures and the embryo transfer.

Also, thanks so much to all of you who have prayed for James Thomas (the 4 month old baby of our friends, Lindsay & James). Thankfully, they are being released from the hospital today! They have a long journey ahead of them but they are so strong and have amazing faith, so I have no doubt that they will overcome this obstacle! I have posted a button for James Thomas at the top of my blog so when you see it, please remember to say a prayer for them and their journey.

Hope everyone is having a good week so far!!

P.S. For those of you who love pumpkin flavored treats as much as I do...you have got to try pumpkin ice cream. It is sooo yummy! Dreyers makes a great pumpkin ice cream and I am not a huge ice cream person. For those of you going through IF treatments who cannot have caffeine, Starbucks has a decaf version of their pumpkin spice latte. It's yummy too! I love to have that as a treat this time of year and I was so bummed that I wasn't going to be able to have it this year because of the caffeine. A big thank you to my friend at We're Expecting! for clueing me in to the decaf option! :-)

Let's try this again...

IVF round 2 officially kicked off today. My monitoring appt was this morning and I had an ultrasound and blood work. Thankfully my ovaries are nice and quiet so we will start the injections again tomorrow night. The protocol has not changed since the last cycle, but let's hope the outcome does! I will be taking 0.1 ml of Mic.ro Ovid.rel and 300 IUs of Follis.tim. I have decided to have a different attitude this time around. My new attitude is to just go with the flow and say "Whatever"! We were actually supposed to start at 450 IUs of Follis.tim and then this afternoon at the last minute Dr. G decided to change his mind. Now, last cycle this would have stressed me and I would have been wondering why. Today, however, I just said, "OK", when the nurse told me there had been a change and I thought to myself "no big deal...whatever."

We were so crushed when the last cycle didn't work so I'm really trying to guard my heart this time. I do want to stay positive, but it will be cautious optimism this time. My next appt isn't until next Wednesay so please pray that the meds do their job and that my ovaries cooperate and do their part too!

I want to ask you to also please pray for my sweet friend, Lindsay, and her 4 month old baby boy, James Thomas. They were admitted to Texas Children's Hospital yesterday because James Thomas' hemoglobin level is really low. They have been giving him blood transfusions in an effort to increase his levels and he will hopefully be having a bone marrow biopsy on Monday. The doctors are not sure what is going on so please pray for guidance and wisdom for the doctors. Please pray for strength and peace for Lindsay and her husband as they fight to stay strong for their little boy. Finally, please pray for healing for James Thomas. I can't even imagine what they're going through right now.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I Love Blog Awards!

This is going to be a three part post. So, first of all let me start by thanking my sweet friend, Katie, over at Once Upon a Time for this first award! Her blog was the first one I found after Chris and I were diagnosed with infertility and reading her blog is what inspired me to start my own. I love her wit and her honesty and she is a true IVF success story! She is currently pregnant with twins!!! Thanks for all your support and encouragment, Katie!







Here are the rules for this award:




1~Thank the person who nominated you for this award.



2~Copy the logo and place it on your blog.



3~Link to the person who nominated you for this award.



4~Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.



5~Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.



6~Post links to th 7 blogs you nominate.



7~Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.



Now, 7 things about me~


1. I LOVE to watch old reruns of Golden Girls and Designing Women.

2. Sometimes I wish that Chris and I could just quit our jobs, buy some land and open up a doggy
daycare.

3. I love Christmas music.

4. I like to make lists and I really like being able to check things off of my lists.

5. I wish that just for one day I could have an amazing voice and just be able to belt out any
songs I wished.

6. Our animals are seriously like members of our family.

7. If I could eat funnel cakes and drink fresh squeezed lemonade everyday I would.


Here are the recipients I'm passing this award on to:

1~All in God's Time

2~Baby Steps...My Journey to Motherhood


3~Dancin' in the Rain

4~Everyone else but me

5~In God's Hands

6~Making Me Mom


7~No Oven for the Bun



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, for my next award! Thank you, Jess! I love her blog because she is honest and has incredible faith. I love that she leaves such sweet and encouraging comments on everyone's blogs. I have really enjoyed following along in her journey so far and I think you will too so click on the link above and go check it out!

All we need is a little LOVE! This blog is about sisters uniting together and giving others some love because life is hard and who couldn't use a little love? The rules for this award is simple.

I LOVE YOU=8 letters which gives you 8 rules :)

Here are the rules:

1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award and write a little bit about why you love them.

2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4-Nominate no more than 17 people (why 17?) who you love or you think could use some love.

5. Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog.

6. You cannot nominate someone who has already been nominated-the love has to spread to all.

7-Post links to the 17 blogs you nominate.

8-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

Here we go!

1~All in God's Time strength

2~Baby Steps...My Journey to Motherhood perserverance

3~Dancin' in the Rain courageous

4~Everyone else but me determination

5~Hope Endures hopeful

6~Hope in Virginia cashew

7~I never thought it made sense anyway. incredible

8~In God's Hands faithful

9~Its a Journey success

10~Jaxson Life cute

11~Life, Love and TTC Mysteries friendship

12~Making Me Mom sweet

13~No Oven for the Bun amazing

14~Once Upon a Time witty

15~unquestionable love patience

16~We got hitched. We bought the 4 bedroom house. Now what??? honest

17~We're Expecting! awesome

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The final part of my post. Thanks so much to all of you for the thoughts and prayers for my mom. The neurologist was able to give her a diagnosis and thankfully it turned about to be something fairly minor. He was also able to give her some medicine and her symptoms are now gone! We drove her back home yesterday and are now back to our routine and ready to get started with this second IVF cycle.

Lots going on

Where do I start? First of all, I was able to get our tentative schedule for this next IVF cycle. It took me having to call the nurses to follow up, but whatever. I will continue to take the birth control pillss until Oct. 12th and then I'll have an appt. on the 16th to make sure that my ovaries are suppressed. If all goes well, I will get the meds that day and will begin injections the following day on the 17th. I will have several monitoring appts. the following week and our tentative egg retrieval date is Oct. 28. I told my husband that it looks like I will be getting embryos for my birthday this year...I just hope they stick around and become the gift that just keeps on giving! :-) My birthday is Nov. 4th, so our embryo transfer will more than likely fall some time around my birthday.

In other news, my mom is really sick. She's been sick for the last several months but she just let on this past Sunday as to how bad it really is. She lives in a small town about 3 1/2 hours away from me, so my husband and I are bringing her here to Houston tomorrow night and I will be taking her to an appointment with a neurologist on Thursday. I have been stressing since Sunday evening trying to figure out how Chris or I would be able to take off work tomorrow to go pick my mom up, bring her back here, go to work Thursday morning, leave work to take her to the doctor's appointment, not knowing how long she's going to be here and wondering how in the heck am I supposed to endure another IVF cycle while I'm trying to shuttle my mom back and forth to appointments. All I can say is thank you God for my best friend, Morgan! Out of nowhere yesterday she called and offered to pick my mom up for me tomorrow and meet me half way to get her. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

My poor little cat, Sweetpea, also has a really bad bacterial infection in her ear and I have to chase her down twice a day to put medicine in her ear that she hates. Ugh. Why does life always have to happen all at once? I think Chris might have to ship me off to the looney bin after this...I wonder if I can blog from there??? :-)

Yay for my blog award!

Mrs. Bee has awarded me with an awesome blog award! I love reading her blog. She is hilarious and she lives in Australia!

Rules

1. You Can Only Use One Word!

2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers

3. Alert them that you have given them this award!

4. Have Fun!

The Survey~

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse

2. Your hair? Brown

3. Your mother? Compassionate

4. Your father? Heaven
5. Your favorite food? Mexican

6. Your dream last night? Odd

7. Your favorite drink? Iced Tea

8. Your dream/goal? Mommy

9. What room are you in? Office

10. Your hobby? Reading

11. Your fear? Snakes
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Parenthood

13. Where were you last night? Zumba!

14. Something that you aren’t? Tall (sorry, had to steal this one!)

15. Muffins? Blueberry
16. Wish list item? Boots

17. Where did you grow up? Johnson City

18. Last thing you did? Work

19. What are you wearing? Clothes

20. Your TV? DVR'd shows

21. Your pets? Three

22. Friends? Great

23. Your life? Blessed

24. Your mood? Anxious

25. Missing someone? Family

26. Vehicle? Honda

27. Something you’re not wearing? socks

28. Your favorite store? Nordstroms

29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? yesterday

31. Last time you cried? Sunday

32. Your best friend? Morgan

33. One place that I go to over and over? Target

34. One person who emails me regularly? friends

35. Favorite place to eat? Pappasito's



I am awarding this blog award to:

1. Making Me Mom

2. Once Upon a Time

3. Its a Journey

4. The Burks

5. In God's Hands

6. Dancin' in the Rain



Don't forget to pass it along!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



In other news, the birth control pills have made me sick again. They made me sick last time, but this time it was worse. I took a sick day on Wednesday and just stayed home in bed. I woke up around 1:00 am Wednesday morning with a horrible headache and was feeling really nauseous. Thankfully I'm feeling better now. I was bummed that I had to cancel my acupuncture appointment on Tuesday. I was really hoping that it would help with the side effects from the birth control. I ended up having to stay late at work on Tuesday, so that meant no acupuncture for me. Oh well. There's always next week!

I still haven't heard from the IVF coordinator. She isn't in the office on Fridays, so I think I'll give her a call on Monday. She was supposed to get my file this past Monday so there's really no reason why she shouldn't have already called. But like I said in a previous post, this woman is already on my list from last time! :-)

Hope everyone has a great weekend! I can't believe that it is October already!

Another Update

The update today is...my new cycle finally started yesterday!!! Wow, it took 47 days. I guess my body just needed a little more time to rest and prepare for this next IVF cycle. I spoke with the nurse at Dr. G's office this morning and they are calling in the prescription for me to start birth control pills again today. The IVF coordinator is supposed to call me back to let me know what our treatment plan will be. I won't know how long I'll have to take the BCPs until I speak with her. I hope she calls soon, she's already on my bad list from the last time around.

It feels good to be moving forward again. I told Chris yesterday that part of me is excited and the other part of me is nervous about it failing again. I want to stay positive, but I also need to guard my heart. I am going to try very hard this time not to get too excited from any one appointment or procedure this time. As we know all too well...there are no guarantees.

Thanks for all the well wishes, prayers and crossed fingers for my cycle to start! Hopefully I'll have another update soon this week once I hear back from the IVF coordinator.

Quick Update

My update is....that there is still nothing to update yet. Bummer. :-( I finished taking the Prometr.ium on Tuesday night and I still haven't started a new cycle yet. I really hope something changes soon. I'm not really stressed about it, but I am ready to move forward and try again.

Chris and I went to Hobby Lobby today to look at their Fall decorations. BTW, it's 40-50% off right now. Just FYI for those of you who love Hobby Lobby and love to decorate as much as I do! Anyways, I was standing in one aisle looking at some Fall yard signs and I happened to overhear this girl talking on her phone with someone from her doctor's office. I didn't really think anything of it, but I did wonder if maybe this conversation had something to do with fertility treatments or just infertility in general. About 10ish minutes later, I was browsing on another aisle and this same girl comes down the same aisle. She stopped her cart right beside me and I heard her tell someone on the phone that her doctor's office did a scan and found 14 follicles. Um, hello? I was so right! Then, I heard her tell this person that "Dr. Dunn" had performed the scan. Dr. Dunn is one of the REs in the fertility clinic that we go to! I was amazed! I quickly found Chris and told him what I had overheard. I told him that I really wanted to go up to this girl and tell her that I know exactly what she is going through and that I wish her the best of luck. He told me that probably wasn't the best idea and that he would walk away and not claim me as his wife if I approached her. :-) He's such a party pooper. I decided that I shouldn't approach her, seeing as how infertility is a private matter, and so I just said a prayer for her instead.

That's all I have for now. I hope my next post is due to the start of our next cycle!

It's best to lie still during acupuncture!

Let me just start by saying that I forgot this oh so important rule during my acupuncture appointment yesterday. Oops! Normally, I am perfectly comfortable and able to lay there without moving. However, yesterday I felt the need to move my right leg just a smidge in order to be more comfortable. BIG MISTAKE! Once the needles are in...DON'T MOVE. :-) As soon as I lifted my leg up to move it over a little bit I felt this sharp, shooting pain all the way up the left side of my right calf. Apparently, once the needles are in if you move then all your muscles tense up around where the needles are inserted. I will definitely not make that mistake again. :-)

Today was a fun day at work. My bosses just started planning monthly events for the staff. Last month we worked a half day and then went to the Astro's game. Today was our monthly event for September and my bosses took us to The Cheesecake Factory for lunch and then we were each given a $100 gift card and 1 hour to go shopping in The Galleria after lunch. If you ask me, that was the BEST staff event ever!!

Last night was the last dose of the Promet.rium. I really hope that my new cycle starts soon so that we can start moving forward with IVF #2. Keep your fingers crossed!

Randomness & Welcome ICLWers

I know I've been a horrible blogger lately. There just hasn't been anything new or exciting going on. I'm still going to acupuncture once a week and it's going really well. I haven't had any headaches since my first appointment! This week will be my fourth one so I hope things continue to go well. Today is cycle day 41...I still haven't started a new cycle. :-( I called the RE's office last week and Dr. G decided to put me on 250mg of Prometrium for five days to try and jump start my new cycle to start. I started taking the prescription on Friday so let's hope it works!





Chris and I decided to go ahead and get started with the renovation of one of our spare bedrooms. Chris stripped out the old carpet and padding and we primed and painted the bedroom this weekend. I'm so proud of us because I think we make a great team and we did a pretty good job! :-) While we were painting, I was reminded of this book that I used to absolutely LOVE when I was little. It's called "Big Dog...Little Dog". I am only 5'4 and Chris is 6'1, so needless to say I took care of the lower half of the walls and Chris took care of the upper half and the ceiling. I nicknamed us Fred and Ted! :-)

I went to my first Zumba class last week and LOVED it! It is so much fun and such a great workout. I can't wait until my next class tomorrow night. Our instructor is so goofy and full of energy. She definitely makes it fun! I desperatley need to start working out on a regular basis again, but it's just so hard for me to get motivated. It's really going to be hard now that my favorite shows are starting up again. Thankfully we have DVR so hopefully I'll be able to kick it into gear and get a routine going again.

I promise to be better about blogging. Hopefully things will start to pick up again soon with our next IVF cycle. To all of you from ICLW...Welcome! Some of the blogs I follow have been really sad lately. There has been a lot of heartache and tears the last couple of weeks and my heart just breaks for these girls. Infertility is hard enough, but to add a miscarriage to the mix is just unfathomable. Please stop by Amy's blog, Eileen's blog and Fran's blog and show them some love and support. I'm praying for you girls and hope that your hearts continue to heal a little more each day.

P.S.

I forgot to tell all of you about the most exciting part of our 3 day weekend! We have been planning for awhile to re-paint and re-carpet our two spare bedrooms. We were running errands Monday so we decided to stop at this carpet store to get some quotes. The man was really nice and showed us what we were looking for. Then, as we're standing there looking over some color swatches he says the unthinkable..."Do you have kids?", we reply "No, not yet" so he says "Well, you better not wait too long. My son is 29 and he told me that if he had known how wonderful it would be to have a child he wouldn't have waited so long to have one!" Yah, he actually said that to us. I was in total shock. I wasn't about to delve into our infertility issues with a complete stranger, so instead we just smiled, nodded our heads and said "yes, you're probably right." Ugh. As if that wasn't enough, as we were on our way out the door he yelled to us again "don't forget to get started on those kids soon!" Mr. Carpet Man may not be getting my business now.

Tid Bits

Well, I still haven't started a new cycle. I really despise playing the waiting game. Can't we just move on with IVF #2 already??? I have my next acupuncture appointment tomorrow afternoon. I think the last appointment cleared up my migraines. I haven't had one since last week! So, next time you have a migraine...just stick a needle in the top of your head! It worked for me! :-)

This weekend I was at Learning Express shopping for a gift. I LOVE that place! While I was perusing the book section, I noticed a book on the lower shelf that I just HAD to buy. My niece has a version of this book and I think it is such a cute idea. Up until then, I had not purchased any baby-related items for our future munchkins. I just didn't want to do that to myself, but this book needed a home. So for now, its new home is on the bookshelf in the room that will one day be the nursery. What can I say? It was the first weekend of college football and this book is obviously a must read for our future little Red Raiders!!!

In other news, we had something rather scary happen last night. Chris got an email from our bank telling us that they had flagged our checking account for fraudulent activity. Chris immediately logged into our account and to our astonishment...we had been cleaned out! Someone managed to steal Chris' debit card number and replicated a fake card with his number. They then proceeded to use this fake card to rack up quite a nice bill at Randall's, Target and Walgreens. Chris called the bank and thankfully they are taking care of the fraudulent charges and refunding our account. Chris' card has been cancelled and he will receive a new one. One thing I found quite humorous during Chris' conversation with the customer service rep last night was that he kept telling Chris to "continue to use your new card with confidence". Um, okay, sure buddy. How in the heck are you supposed to have confidence in using your debit card when someone has just wiped out your account by stealing your number and making a fake card???

I was watching back to back episodes of Law & Order last night while this was happening, (I LOVE that show) so of course I wanted to find out exactly which stores in Houston this card was used in, find out exactly what day and time it was used, search the store's security tapes looking for this person and then let the cops have at them! I doubt this will happen but the customer service rep did tell Chris that the bank has the right to pursue this matter with the police and file an official fraud claim. I won't be holding my breath on that happening, though.

Our life is never dull! Hope you're all having a great week!

College Football is here!!!

Yay for college football!! I love this time of year...college football, the start of fall, (I would say fall weather but I live in TX and don't know what that feels like) :-) and my birthday is in a few months. But, this year I'm turning 29 and will have to dread my next birthday all year...the dreaded 30! Let's just not mention that number again, ok? I also love 3 day weekends and all the great sales that go along with them!

On another note, I had my first acupuncture appointment this past Thursday. I think it went really well and it wasn't painful or uncomfortable at all. I sure hope it helps because it is not cheap. If nothing else, maybe it will at least be a great source of stress relief for me during our second IVF cycle. I should be starting the birth control pills again in a week or so and then we'll be full speed ahead again!

That's about all I have...boring, I know. I hope everyone enjoys their Labor Day Weekend and the start of college football!


WRECK 'EM TECH AND ROLL TIDE!!!!!!!

Acupuncture...here I come!

Tomorrow is my first acupuncture appointment. I decided to try it this time because my fertility clinic really urges their patients to try it during IVF cycles and I've read and heard so many great things about it. I have no idea what to expect tomorrow, so if any of you have any helpful hints or tips please send them my way!

I will hopefully be able to start the birth control pills again sometime next week and I'll be on them for about 2-3 weeks. After that we'll begin the lovely injections again. I am so ready to get started again. I have felt awful since I stopped taking the hormone supplements after our last failed cycle so I'm hoping the birth control pills will help get my hormones regulated.

I'll let you know how my appointment goes tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

Prayers Please

I want to ask all of you to please spare a few prayers today for two very special people. Our pastor's wife, Laura, has cancer and she is having surgery today to remove the tumor and surrounding lymph nodes that were affected. Laura is such an amazing woman and we just love her! She has kept such a positive attitude this whole time and has held tight to her faith. She is truly an inspiration to everyone! If you want to, you can check out her blog. Please pray that the surgeons are able to remove ALL the cancer, that there aren't any complications and that she has a great recovery and prognosis from the pathology reports. Please also pray for her husband and their three kids as this is a scary time for them as well.

I also ask that you please pray for my bosses' wife and mother, Jill. Jill was diagnosed with ovarian cancer this time last year and went through an extensive surgery and rigorous chemo treatment in order to fight the cancer. She has been doing really well up until last week. On Thursday she was admitted to the hospital because of severe abdominal pains that would not go away. I just found out this morning that her oncologist thinks it might be cancer again. Please pray for her and the family. She is still in the hospital and is undergoing more tests this week. They are like family to me and it breaks my heart that they potentially have to go down this scary road again.

Thanks to all of you! The power of prayer is amazing!!

Ebay is my new best friend!

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. There really hasn't been much going on this past week other than work. I haven't really felt all that good since I came off the hormones either. My new cycle last week was horrific (as the RE warned me it would be) and I've had a headache pretty much every day for the past two weeks. Some days it's minor and other days it's more severe. I feel like my body is revolting against me for what I put it through over the last two months. I've also been having really crazy dreams at night. When I wake up in the morning I am sooo exhausted. It feels like I never went to sleep. Ugh. Apparently there is no break from the effects of infertility and IVF. Oh well. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it one day.

For those of you that have come across my blog through ICLW, Welcome! Here's a quick background. My husband and I have been TTC for almost a year now. We found out in April that we have some severe IF issues and were told that IVF w/ICSI was our only option. We had our first IVF procedure in July, but unfortunately it did not result in a pregnancy. We are now taking August off to allow my body to recoup and rest and then we'll start back up with ovarian suppression early to mid September and our second IVF cycle will be in October. Thanks for stopping by! I hope that my blog can help each of you in some way and that you'll stick around and follow our journey!

Now, as my title reads...Ebay is my new best friend!! I love, love, love ebay!! I have found some really awesome clothes on there lately and have gotten some great bargains! I love coming home, checking the mail and opening up my package. Now don't worry, as I promised Chris I don't bid on everything that I like. I have a strategy. I am also very strict about the prices I am willing to pay so if I'm outbid on something then so be it. That just means I wasn't meant to have that particular item. However, there is one item that I really, really wanted and I did splurge a little to get it. I still paid less than half of what it retails for so I still think I got a great bargain. It's a really cute Anthropologie dress and I can even wear it to work. I just got it in the mail yesterday and I love it! I'm planning on wearing it to church tomorrow so maybe I'll post a pic of it.

Well, that about sums it up for now. College football is right around the corner and we are sooo excited for that to start. That will be a great distraction for us this fall as we jump into IVF cycle #2. We are HUGE Texas Tech fans and can't wait to cheer on our Red Raiders!!

IVF Cycle...Take 2

We had our follow up appointment with Dr. G today. Overall, I think it went pretty well. I started a new cycle yesterday so we will be taking this month off and then I will start the birth control in September with my new cycle. I'll be on those for about 2-3 weeks and then we'll start the injections. The protocol will be the same as last time. The only thing that Dr. G will change is the dosage of Follis.tim. He'll start me out at 450 instead of 300. Apparently, my ovaries are not as sensitive as they would have expected.

Dr. G obviously can't give us any guarantees but he did say that he feels confident that we'll get pregnant, it's just a matter of how many cycles it will take to get there. I wish the odds increased with each IVF cycle you have to endure, but it doesn't work that way. I also wish that there was a magic pill you could take to ensure that you won't have a miscarriage once you finally do get your miracle. I've read too many blogs over the last week or so where couples have struggled with infertility, have finally been blessed with their miracle, and then it all gets taken away in an instant. It's just not fair. Infertility robs couples of ever being able to let their guard down and completely enjoy the pregnancy.

My boss told me to try really hard not to invest too many emotions into any one phase of the IVF cycle. You have to be cautiously optimistic. I'm going to try to remember that for this next cycle. I'm also going to look into accupuncture this time around. I would have tried it last time but I didn't know that much about it and you're supposed to start having treatments at least a month in advance of your IVF cycle. We'll see how it goes!

Moving on

I want to thank all of you for all the sweet comments. The last four days have not been easy but it really helps to know that you care and that you understand what we're going through right now. I'm hoping that this experience doesn't make me any more jaded than I already am, but I have a feeling that this might be inevitable. I'm trying really hard not to think about what I would have been doing this week if the news would have been different. I can't go back and change the results so I have to press on and deal with the reality of how things are, not what they could have been.

Dr. G left a nice voicemail for me this morning. He called to say how sorry he was to hear that the test was negative. He wants us to go back in to meet with him again to discuss things and determine what our next steps will be. We have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I'm making a running list of questions as they pop into my head. Chris and I had decided early on that we would do whatever it took to get pregnant. Since IVF is our only option we will definitely try another IVF cycle as long as Dr. G agrees that this is still a viable option for us.

I do already know that I'll have to take this cycle off to let my body rest and heal from the last IVF cycle. Thankfully, the progesterone did not delay my cycle too much and we are already on the road to a new cycle. The Dr. warned me that this cycle could be worse than normal and boy was he right. I have had a killer headache yesterday and today and it feels like somebody is trying to rip out my ovaries.

Thankfully, I have been able to indulge in a few things that I haven't been able to enjoy or have for the last couple of months. I had a coke on Friday for the first time in almost three months. I told Chris to order me the largest coke that Sonic sells on Friday morning. We stopped there on our way to the doctor's office for the blood test. Since we already knew what the results would be I decided that I deserved to have an extra large dose of caffeine that day. I also took a bubble bath last night. I haven't been able to take a bath since before my egg retrieval. I have also started reading a book that I bought at the beginning of the year but never got around to reading. I LOVE to read but lately I had been reading nothing but infertility books and books about IVF. I WILL NOT be reading any of those books this month. I decided that while my body is taking a break my mind should also take a break...at least as much as possible.

I know that this experience will only make us stronger and I am so grateful to have such a wonderful and supportive husband. This whole process has brought us even closer together and we truly have an awesome marriage. I know that this will be an important foundation for us to have once we do start our family. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I'm so lucky to have Chris to share it with!

I need some super glue for my heart.

Where to begin? Thursday night was one of the hardest nights we've had to go through. We decided that we would go ahead and take a home pregnancy test that night because we didn't want to wake up Friday morning with a false sense of hope. We just wanted to know...even if it wasn't what we wanted to see. I took the test and we waited. I told Chris that he had to look because I was too nervous. I couldn't bare the thought of seeing another negative test. Chris went to look...it was negative. I immediately was hit with this wave of emotions. I felt disbelief, disappointment, sadness and just plain devestation. I went and crawled in our bed and stayed there the rest of the night. I ended up falling asleep laying in Chris' lap while I cried and he played with my hair (this is a comfort thing for me).

I woke up at about 5 am yesterday morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I was so angry. I just laid there in bed and cried, telling God how angry I was that He allowed our hearts to be broken once again. About 30 or so minutes later I woke Chris up and asked if I should take one more test just to be sure. We decided to take one last test, even though we knew what the result would be. I made him look again...negative. We got up, got dressed and made our way to the RE's office for our appointment. Chris was hoping that at least we could use some frozen embryos and have a faster turn around time. I wasn't holding out much hope that we had any frozen.

We get to the RE's office and they finally call us back to sit in the small waiting room while Dr. G finishes up seeing some patients. The nice nurse came over to ask if we had tested at home. We told her yes and when she asked the result with this hopeful smile on her face I lost it. We told her that both tests were negative and she said she was very sorry and that Dr. G would still want a blood test just to confirm. Great. As if we haven't seen enough negative results. Why not add more salt to the wound? Dr. G came to get us and we went back to his office to discuss the cycle. We told him about the negative tests, and of course he wanted the blood test to confirm. Then we got our second round of bad news. No frozen embryos. Of course there weren't. That would have meant that yesterday at least had a glimmer of hope.

Dr. G told us that if the blood test was negative then I would stop the hormones and wait for my body to start a new cycle. This can take up to three weeks because of the hormones I've been on. I'll have to take the next cycle off to allow my body to heal and rest. Then, when my September cycle starts I will go back in and he'll put me on the birth control pills again for a couple of weeks to suppress my ovaries again. We'll probably be looking at having the actual procedures for our second IVF cycle in early to mid October. It just all depends on how long it takes for this cycle to start and then again for the next one to start in September. I called the office as directed at 3:30 yesterday and was told that indeed the blood test was negative. BIG SURPRISE.

Thankfully, today is a better day. It will take some time for us to completely heal because we both feel a sense of loss right now. We had gotten attached to the two, little embryos that were transferred. We know that we are so fortunate to have insurance coverage that will allow us to try again. We know that there are so many couples out there who only have one shot at this because of the financial strain of IVF. As much as this hurts, I am still glad that there are those of you out there who had just one shot and got your miracle. I can't imagine the heartache of having a failed cycle and then knowing that was your only shot. I have a friend IRL who just found out this week that not only did this IVF cycle not work but now their doctor doesn't think that they'll ever get pregnant. I can't even imagine that heartache either. Yesterday was definitely a glass half empty day, but today I'm trying to have a glass half full day. We'll see how that goes!

Thank you again for all of your support, love and comments. We couldn't get through this without all of you. I hope that our journey will be an inspiration and source of hope for others out there. I hope that our faith will shine through us and show others that God is good, even when He lets bad things happen to us. We know that He has great plans for us and that this just wasn't the perfect time yet for our miracle. It doesn't make this hurt any less, though. It does, however, help to know that He's in control. Apparently He's still trying to teach me patience. I think I'm failing miserably at that lesson.

To my IVF blog friends~ Please know that I am truly happy for each of you that has gotten your miracle recently. You know how hard this journey is and you know the heartache that goes along with it all too well. Each and every one of you are very deserving of the blessings you've been given and I wish you all the best of luck with your pregnancies. I will, of course, continue to follow your blogs and further our friendships. You girls have been such a great support for me and I'm going to need you now more than ever. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. For those of you who are still waiting for your miracle, I'm right there with you. I didn't want to still be in this boat but I know I'm in great company.

AHHHHHH! That's all I have to say.

I think I am losing my mind. This TWW has been the hardest TWW EVER!!! There is so much more at stake this time. I'm sort of excited about tomorrow, but just more nervous than anything. There seems to be a big part of me that's trying to guard my heart and my emotions in case we get bad news tomorrow.

I still can't believe that tomorrow is almost here. Somehow I've managed to not POAS at all. This is not because I have great willpower, or because I'm patient, or because I'm a strong person. The truth is that I have been scared to death to see a negative test. This fear has kept me from caving. I knew that if I saw a negative test I would be devestated and there is no way I would have been able to go to work and function this week if that was the case. I also pinky promised my husband that I wouldn't cheat and test early. He knew what a negative test would do to me and I know that he was just trying to protect me from getting hurt.

Please pray for us tomorrow. I so hope that tomorrow will be an awesome day filled with celebration! If it's bad news tomorrow, please pray that I stay focused and that I remember that God has great plans for us and our family and that we cannot rush His timing. This is a hard lesson to learn, especially in the midst of hurt and sadness, but it's an important lesson.

Please know that I truly appreciate all the comments, prayers and support from all of you through this IVF cycle. If tomorrow is not a good day it may take me a few days before I feel like posting anything. If it's good news, please know that I will share with all of you, but that may take a little time as well. We will definitely want to share the news with our families first. For those of you that know us in real life, we ask that you please keep any news we share a secret for now. Believe me, we will want to shout any good news from the rooftops, but we also know that there are some critical appointments to get through before we'll be in the clear for a miscarriage. I hope you understand.

I want to say a special "Thank You" to all of my fellow IVF blog friends! You girls have been such a great support system for me over the last 4 months and I am so happy for all of you that have seen BFPs recently!!! I pray for each of you daily and I am so glad that God has been answering our prayers! I hope I get to join your IVF BFP club soon! If not, I know that you girls will help pick me up and dust me off. Hope to be back on here soon with exciting news!!