Blah, blah, blah

I don't have any news yet. I'm just plugging along this week trying to get through this torturous 2ww. Today we're at 5dpt (5 days past transfer) and I'm refusing to google anything and trying really hard not to read too much into my body and things I'm feeling right now. I'm still on progesterone and estradiol so who knows if what I'm feeling is due to the meds or to something else. Only time will tell!

I'm trying to stay positive, stay faithful and just relax. Stress won't help anything, no matter what is or isn't going on with my body right now. I'm just so ready for this weekend to be here so that we can get some things done and gear up for the week ahead. I feel like my emotions are all over the place right now. Saturday through Monday I was really positive and hopeful, but yesterday evening I started thinking about how I would deal with everything if this cycle didn't work. Those are not fun thoughts and immediately I just prayed that God would remind me to leave this in His hands because it is completely out of my control. I can't do or say anything to change the outcome.

I'm having another blah day. Maybe it's because I don't feel so great today or maybe it's because I'm still having a hard time not thinking about what the outcome will be. After today we will have 5 days down and only 9 more to go in this 2ww. I hope I still have my sanity at the end of this.

The embryos are in the oven!!!

This, ladies and gentleman, is the picture of our two, precious embryos that were transferred into my uterus today!!! Aren't they cute? :-) Embryo #3 is at the blastocyst stage (the stage right before they break through their shell and get ready to implant). Embryo #2 is just a little behind, it's at the morula stage (the stage they usually reach at day 4). What an incredible day this has been. It's taken awhile for it all to soak in that I actually have two embryos floating around in me right now. Words can't even describe today.

This has been such a long, hard road, but Chris and I are so blessed to have pictures of our precious embryos and to have had the opportunity to watch as they were carefully placed inside my uterus. We will remember this day forever. God has given us two precious embryos and they're in His hands. I sure hope He gently guides them to implantation over the next couple of days.

Now we begin the dreaded TWW (two week wait). I sure hope this time flies by! I'm struggling with wanting to stay positive and also wanting to stay realistic. Part of me just really wants to relish these next two weeks and live in the moment. We are so blessed to have made it this far in our journey and if we do end up pregnant I don't want to have missed out on these first couple of weeks. I really wish we had an ultrasound machine here at the house so I could see what they're doing right now. I wonder if they float around together or if they seperate and go on their own journeys in search of the lining of my uterus?

I want to sincerely thank everyone again for all the well wishes and prayers! I can't even tell you how comforting it has been to have all the sweet blog comments, texts, emails and phone calls over this past week. You have all been such a great support system and we just can't thank you enough! Please keep us in your prayers over these next couple of weeks. Please pray that both embryos continue to develop and implant over the next couple of days. Please pray that if that happens this will be a viable, healthy pregnancy.

Snuggle in little embryos, I promise to give you a nice, warm home!

Hurry Up Friday!!!

We found out from Dr. G's office this morning that our embryo transfer is still scheduled for this Friday at 12:00. I'm so excited and nervous. The embryologist told the nurse that they're all still dividing and progressing as they should be. Chris and I were both so relieved to know that our 6 little miracles are still plugging along in the lab. Grow little embies grow!!

I can't even tell you how worried we've been about them since Monday night. Last night was pure torture. We won't get another update until Friday when we get to the IVF lab so needless to say it's going to be torture for today and tomorrow too. Chris and I both woke up around 3:00 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep for awhile because we were so worried and nervous about how our little miracles were doing. I don't think I'm getting any better at this waiting game!

I told Chris last night that I think it is highly unfair that I look like I'm pregnant (still bloated from the shots and the egg retrieval) and I've felt like I'm pregnant the last few days too, but I'm NOT pregnant yet. I make frequent visits to the bathroom, I've felt these pains in my stomach the last two days and I've been a little nauseous. (I've had a few other side effects as well but since my brother-in-laws read this blog I won't go into anymore details!) :-) All of these are side effects of the Prometrium (a form of progesterone) that I have to take twice a day. I sure hope my body gets used to this medicine soon. I won't be able to stop taking it any time soon. As long as it's doing what it's supposed to, though, it is worth it.

I'll update again on Friday after our retrieval. Please continue to pray for our 6 little embies. I really hope they all make it to Friday so that we can use 2 and freeze the other 4!

This is going to be a looong week

I finally got a call from Dr. G's office this afternoon with our fertilization report. I called after 11:00 AM this morning as directed and had to leave a message for someone to call me back. When the IVF coordinator finally called me back this afternoon she had the nerve to ask me, "Did you forget to call this morning like you were told?" I promptly said, "No, I called at 11:05 AM this morning and had to leave a message. No one ever returned my call." Whatever, she has been on my list since she caused some major stress for us at the end of last week that turned out to be a big mistake on her part and totally unneccesary.

On to the news, though. Out of the 17 eggs they took from me yesterday 14 were mature and 6 actually fertilized. Yay!!! I can't believe we have 6 little embryos growing in the lab right now. 6 little Chris and Courtneys. It's still sinking in with both of us. Life has been created and I so badly want to see a picture of them and see how they're doing. I want to hold them in their little petri dishes and talk to them. I know they're still at the early embryo stage and need to keep dividing properly over the next several days, but to us they're still our little miracles, our little babies.

I have to call Dr. G's office again on Wednesday morning to get a report on how they're doing. If they're still doing well we will go in late Friday morning for a 5 day transfer. Right now the plan is to transfer 2. If the embryologist feels it would be better not to wait that long then I'll have the transfer Wednesday afternoon. This is going to be such a long week as we wait for the progress reports of our embies.

Thank you, God, for our 6 little miracles. Please keep them safe and strong in their temporary home this week.

Egg Retrieval

We had our egg retrieval this morning. The pic above is of Chris and I donning the lovely, sterile, procedure outfits! Sorry for the quality but this was taken with a shaky hand using Chris' phone. This was probably taken about 10 minutes or so before we went into the procedure room. Thankfully, everything went really well this morning. I didn't have any reactions to the anesthesia and the last thing I remember saying was that the "cocktail" they gave me really worked fast! Apparently, they had to up my dose a few times throughout the procedure. I didn't wake up and I don't remember feeling anything but Chris said I really squirmed a couple of times during the egg aspiration and so the doctor told the nurse to turn up the dose a little each time. I'm just glad I was asleep and didn't realize it at the time. I sure did feel the effects afterwards, though. My ovaries have not been very happy with me today. Too much poking and prodding this morning! Thank goodness for Extra Strength Tylenol and heating pads!!

While I was still waking up from the anesthesia, Dr. G came in to tell Chris that they retrieved 17 eggs from me and that Chris' portion went really well too! Thank you God!!!!

The embryologist on staff today even stopped by for a bit to give us a big thumbs up before we left! I'm just so relieved to know that today is over and that our future children are potentially being created in their little petri dishes right now!

I have to call Dr. G's office tomorrow for a fertilization report. I know to expect that not all 17 eggs will fertilize. I just hope we are still left with a good number of embryos and that they keep growing and developing this week like they need to.

Thank you to everyone for all the love and prayers! We really felt them today. I'll update again tomorrow once we get the fertility report.

Here are a few more silly pics from today:

This is me waiting for the nurse to come back in and start my IV.

My Fertility Socks!

Chris and his scrub-clad GQ pose!

Sunday it is!!!

My appointment with Dr. G went well this morning. My twelve largest follies were between 17-20mm today and he said we are on schedule to have my egg retrieval on Sunday!!! I'm both excited and nervous. I just want to know that the embryologist will have a great number of mature eggs and little swimmers to work with on Sunday, and that my eggs will fertilize, and that we end up with a good number of excellent quality embryos...is that too much to ask??? :-)

Chris just gave me my last injection. Yay!! This was my trigger shot which helps my follies to mature and to get my body ready to ovulate. I sure hope that they are in tip top shape by Sunday morning. We found out from Dr. G today that Chris will be allowed to accompany me to the procedure room and watch them retrieve my eggs. I will be under anesthesia but I'm glad that he will be there with me, even though I won't know it at the time. I'm so glad that he will get to experience that with me.

I just can't wait to know that we have embryos growing. This will be the closest we have ever been to having a baby. I wish I could stand guard in the embryology lab next week and keep our embryos company. I wish I could talk to them in their little petri dishes and tell them encouraging things to help them divide and develop properly. I know I probably sound like a crazy, hormonal woman. Please don't send the men in the white coats after me! :-)

Please keep us in your prayers on Sunday. We are putting this in God's hands and we know that He has a great plan for us. We just hope that His plan includes us getting pregnant this cycle! I will try to update Sunday evening or Monday morning, depending on how I'm feeling. I have taken Monday off since I won't know how I'll be feeling and if we don't get a good fertilization report on Monday I would rather be at home instead of at work.

Thanks for all the love and support you have all shown us!

They're growing!

Today's appointment with Dr. G was much better. My follies have actually grown another 2-4 mm since Monday's appointment and Dr. G said that if they continue to grow at this rate we will have the egg retrieval on Sunday. As Chris mentioned, we won't be able to make church on Sunday but we'll definitely be doing LOTS of praying that morning!!

Our next appointment is on Friday morning and if everything goes well I should take the trigger shot that night. I just want the next two days to hurry up so that we can get to Saturday and just relax and try to destress as much as possible before the procedure on Sunday.

Thank you to all of you who have been thinking of us and praying for us this week! We truly appreciate it!

Our kitchen has now become a pharmacy

We added a new drug to the mix tonight, it's called Cetrot.ide. This drug is used to suppress my body from trying to ovulate on its own. The other two meds have come in a vial and cartridges that were premixed, but the Cetrotide is a powder and liquid that has to be mixed right before the injection. Thank goodness this is a one-time injection because it makes me a tad bit uneasy to have to mix my meds on my own. Everything has to be so precise and I'm always afraid we're going to screw up. We took a picture of the needle that we had to use to insert the liquid into the vial filled with powder. Look at the size of this needle! This is NOT a nice needle! Thank goodness this did not have to go inside my abdomen. Chris would have had to chase me down and force it in me! :-) The other pic is of Chris filling the HUGE syringe with the mixed solution.

As I type I am officially having my first reaction to a fertility drug...a small, red, itchy rash at the injection site from the Cetro.tide. Oh my gosh it itches!! Chris keeps giving me ice cubes to put on the rash so I won't scratch it. He's such a good Dr. hubby! Apparently, this is normal and should go away in awhile. I sure hope so because man am I itchy!!!

Our next monitoring appointment is tomorrow morning, wish us luck!

Meltdown #2...only a mini one, though

I'm having deja vu today. About 5 weeks ago I had my first IVF meltdown and it was on a Monday morning. Today I had my second one, but thankfully it was minor compared to the first one. I didn't have to take a personal day today. I went in for my monitoring appointment this morning. Dr. G did an ultrasound to see if my follicles had made any progress over the weekend and surprise, surprise on average they had only grown about 4 mm since my appointment on Friday. They are now measuring at 10-13 mm (I think 1 or 2 were at 14 mm) and I really should have been closer to these numbers on Friday. My estrogen level was fine on Friday but for some reason they can't seem to light a big enough fire under my ovaries to make the follicles grow. Dr. G said that it would be a sprint for the follicles to grow enough by Friday so now we're looking at possibly having our egg retrieval on Saturday or Sunday. But still, no guarantees.

I was obviously discouraged by my appointment this morning and unfortunately no one in his office is the warm fuzzy type so I didn't get any words of encouragement from the nurses. It's just a wait and see game. Sounds like fun, huh? After the u/s, I had to go downstairs for my blood work. Not only did I have to wait forever for them to get to me but I also had to sit in a room full of cute, little pregnant women. To make matters worse one of the pregnant women was having a really loud conversation on her cell phone with someone who is apparently throwing her a baby shower. She proceeded to yell at this person about how she didn't like anything they were doing, including the invitations and that if they didn't get it right it would make her cry. Let me just tell you how much sympathy I had for her. NONE!!! I really wanted to go over there and slap her and say, "Do you have any idea what I'm going through just to GET pregnant? You should be grateful just to be pregnant you selfish, little brat!!" But I didn't. My mom would be so proud of me!

I will get another phone call from the nurse this afternoon to let me know if they're increasing my dosage. I think it's a pretty safe bet that they will, it's just a matter of how much.

I was so upset when I got to the office this morning but I was trying really hard to not let it show. That held up for about 10 seconds. As I walked in the door my good friend, Kim, asked how it went this morning. Yep, that's all it took. I lost it. So, she decided that I needed to get out of the office and that we were going to run over to Jamba Juice and get a smoothie. For those of you who don't know me that well, Jamba Juice is one of my favorite treats. So, I am so thankful for Kim and her kindness. She knew that I needed to get some air and just breathe for a bit before I came back into the office. Thank you, God, for my wonderful family and friends. I couldn't get through this without them.

After 4 days of stims...

I had my first monitoring appointment this past Friday. The RE did an ultrasound and found 13 follicles growing. They were all between 6-8 mm and I asked him if this was ok. He said they might be about 1-2 mm below average but he didn't seem concerned with this. I also had blood work Friday morning and then the nurse called that afternoon to give me my new dosage. I am now taking the Micro Ovi.drel every other night and increasing my Follis.tim to 450 IUs each night. The nurse told us last Monday that my doctor NEVER overstimulates his patients and that in the 14 years that she has worked with him she has never seen a patient develop OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome). This made me feel good. So, I wasn't too terribly concerned with the report on the size of my follicles because I already knew that my doctor is more conservative and likes to increase the meds as needed.

I have my next appointment on Monday morning for another ultrasound and blood work. Please pray that my follicles have grown some more by then. I hope we have at least a few more in there too! If everything progresses normally our egg retrieval is still set for this coming Friday. I'm excited and nervous!

A big CONGRATULATIONS goes out to my blog friend at Where's Baby?! She just found out that she's pregnant from her first IVF cycle!

Ouchie!

Ok, the Folli.stim is living up to its nickname around here too...Follisting. Chris just finished giving me my injections and all I have to say is Ouchie! The Micro Ovi.drel is a piece of cake. I can't even feel that injection. But, no pain no gain, right? I sure hope it's doing its job and growing lots of follicles for me. Only time will tell. Our next appointment is tomorrow. I'll have another ultrasound and blood work to monitor how my body is responding to the meds. I hope I get a good report!

Now, all you ladies on this IVF journey who have taken or are currently taking Folli.stim...did it make you feel super bloated? Sorry to those of you reading this that didn't want to know this tid bit of info. :-) I'm only 4 days into these injections and I already feel like I might be outgrowing my clothes. What the heck? Too bad I can't wear my super comfy cotton pants to work tomorrow. I'm taking 300 IUs of Folli.stim a night. I don't know if this is a normal dosage or not. I'll update tomorrow night after our appointment.

Please pray for my blog friend at Once Upon a Time. She is having her embryo transfer tomorrow! Also, my blog friend at Where's Baby? is anxiously waiting to find out if she is pregnant! Her embryo transfer was last Sunday. Please keep these girls in your prayers!!

Day 1 of Injections...God Bless My Sweet Husband!

Today is day 1 of my injections. I'm taking Micro Ovi.drel and Follis.tim. All I have to say is God Bless my sweet husband! I got everything ready for the injections, had my skin pinched and cleaned and just stood there pinching my skin and holding the needle in the other hand. I must have stood there like this for at least 5 minutes. I knew it wasn't going to be bad at all, but at the same time I just couldn't bring myself to jab a needle into my skin. So, I had to give up on trying and let Chris do it. He had absolutely no problem. He is my hero! Of course after it was all over I realized what I already knew...it was no big deal at all.

Above is the picture of what we picked up from the pharmacy today. I have my two meds and a ton of needles and alcohol swabs. I will also have to take two other meds but not until this weekend or early next week for the one and then the last one will be my trigger shot which probably won't be until next Wednesday.

Overall, today was a good day but at the same time I have felt overwhelmed. After the appointment this morning, Chris and I began to think about all the things that can go wrong between now and the time we have our embryo transfer. This, of course, is a stupid thing to do because as long as we follow the instructions given to us it is all out of our hands after that. Each time I start to stress over a new phase of this journey I have to stop myself and remember that this is not in my control...God is in control and he won't let us down. He has proven His faithfulness time and again through this whole process but yet I still can't stop stressing at times. Ugh. Old habits are hard to break!

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers. We couldn't make it through all of this without all the love and support of our wonderful family and friends (and of course this includes all my blog friends). :-) I have found such a wonderful support system in all of you girls and it's so comforting to know there are other people out there who know exactly how I feel and what I'm going through.

Our next appointment is this Friday. They'll do another ultrasound and blood work to check my follicle growth. So until then...grow little follicles grow!!

Answered Prayers

Woohoo! We got some really awesome news today. The nurse who coordinates the IVF schedules called me this afternoon and said for me to take my last birth control pill tonight and then they want to see me first thing Monday morning for an ultrasound and blood work. Yay!!! I will get my prescription for the meds on Monday and will be able to pick them up at their pharmacy that day as well. I have to call the nurse Monday afternoon for the results of my blood work and if my ovaries are sufficiently supressed then I'll get to start the Micro Ovi.drel AND the Follisti.m Monday night. I'm so excited!!!!

Tentatively, if everything goes well our egg retrieval is scheduled for July 17th. That is only two weeks from tomorrow people!!! Ahhhhh! I didn't expect the ball to start rolling this quickly, but don't get me wrong I am NOT complaining one bit. :-)

Thanks so much to everyone who has been praying for us. God really answered our prayers today. Please continue to pray for us and please specifically pray that my ovaries are nice and suppressed by Monday so that I can begin the injections Monday night. If they're not, then I would have to start the birth control pills again and they would check me in another two weeks. That would not be nice. So, we'll be thinking positive thoughts and doing lots of praying this weekend!

We're finally moving forward again

I FINALLY got a call from the RE's office this evening. The nurse didn't call until around 6:00 PM and needless to say I had already given up on them by this point and was not expecting a call. My test results finally came in and everything looked good. YAY! Now I just have to wait for the nurse who actually schedules the IVF cycles to look at my chart and call me back with our treatment plan and tentative procedure dates. Not only does she have to coordinate with their office schedule but she also has to coordinate with Chris' doctor as well. He has to be on standby that day in case Chris has to have a biopsy. Please pray for us that these schedules are coordinated without any hitches and that we're still on track to have our IVF cycle this month.

The nurse gave me this website to use that will verify my pharmacy benefits for me. She gave me a list of the 4 main fertility drugs that my doctor uses and told me to put those into the online verification system. I've already taken care of this tonight and will hopefully get some feedback from them this week. I had only heard of one of the drugs she name - Folli.stim. Please let me know if any of you have taken or heard of these other three: Ovi.drel, Cetro.tide and Micro Ovi.drel. I looked them up online and have a pretty good idead what each one is used for, but none of these seem to be in place of Lupr.on. Has anyone else gone through an IVF cycle without being on Lupr.on? Maybe the nurse just forgot to mention that one. I wouldn't doubt it seeing as how I had to speak with the rude nurse. I had to laugh to myself when she told me at the end of our conversation that "I can always still call her if I ever have any questions." Yah right. I don't think so lady! :-)

Well, I sure hope we get our treatment plan before the end of this week. I would love to have a grasp on things before the long weekend. I am so grateful, though, to at least know that all of my tests are back and that all the pieces of the puzzle are there for them to work with.

Hope everyone has a great 4th of July!!!