Blah

That is how I felt today...blah. Yesterday was my last day home from work and I actually thought my UTI was getting better. Apparently my bladder had other plans for me. When I woke up this morning it was in full force again. I was actually in tears driving to work this morning because I was so uncomfortable from it. I made it through the whole day of work, though. Thankfully it eased up a little during the day before it made an appearance again late this afternoon. I didn't move from my chair at work today except to make about a hundred trips down the hall to the ladies room.

This morning I received a call from the embryology lab to let us know that we didn't end up having any embryos make it to freezing. I can't say that I was surprised, but I guess it was still a little disappointing. I'm getting to the point in this TWW where the excitement and hopefulness is starting to ware off. This happens everytime. Right after the ET I am full of hope and excitement but then all of that turns into doubt and a need to go into self-preservation mode. Afterall, this is our third IVF cycle. We know the pain and disappointment of a failed cycle all too well. When our last two cycles failed I knew that we would definitely try another cycle. This time I don't know what we'll do if it turns out to be another failure. I am trying really hard to just focus on taking it one day at a time and not thinking about all the "what ifs". It's just so hard, though. When I see other pregnant people and read about positive betas I can't help but think to myself, "will that ever be us" "will I ever get to experience pregnancy"? I don't know the answer to those questions and sometimes I just want to run away and not have to see pregnant women, or ultrasound photos or pregnancy announcements. Facebook has become my worst enemy lately. I really wish there was a filter sometimes, not because people don't have a right to share their joy and excitement, but because some days it's just too much for me to handle.

So, today was just a blah day. I will, however, put my big girl pants on and continue to be thankful for all the blessings that God has given us. I just hope he has a little miracle in store for us this time around.